My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
