if i can run in heels then i can drive
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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