Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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