that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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