I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
