Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
