I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
