I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
