im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i now understand why vodka
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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