Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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