we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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