Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
