i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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