To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You ruined the universe
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
