There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
