Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
