The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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