Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
