my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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