Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
