I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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