I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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