If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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