fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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