you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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