I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
