Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He did a backflip because drugs
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