Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
