my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
