the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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