when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
handjob tips. give me some.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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