Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
