And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
