today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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