I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
