I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
