Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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