The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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