Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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