I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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