Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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