I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
