when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
