She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
