THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
