i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
