I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
