Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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