I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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