Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
