peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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