Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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