I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
