i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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