I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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