Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
