He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
