I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
