There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
