thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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