Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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