bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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