That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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