so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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