Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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