My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
