we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?