# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
