It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's never too late to be topless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.