Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.