and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
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apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.