I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
