who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
